The Word Cave

Most of my new work these days is at my newsletter, The Word Cave, including:

Museum Pages: a column on visual art and writing

What is a Novel?: a series of dispatches from a work-in-progress

Ask Lilly: writing and publishing AMAs

Selected Publications

Learning to Connect With Friends — Without Alcohol (The New York Times)

Quitting drinking was the easy part. Figuring out how to be myself was harder.

We Need to Talk About Our Ex-Best Friends (Elle)

"If so many of us are suffering through these friendship breakups alone, maybe it’s time to start talking about them more openly—to treat them as the significant losses that they are, and to ask for the same level of support we’d expect from our communities around the ending of a romantic relationship."

Being a Bridesmaid is Great, Actually (Slate)

"If your friend doesn’t suck, being her bridesmaid won’t suck either."

Reading My Way to a Decision About Motherhood (The Offing)

"I wanted, basically, for someone to show me, in detail, what my life would look like if I had a child, and how I would feel about it. I wanted a crystal ball, and books felt like the closest I was going to get."

How to Support a Friend Through Grief (Literary Hub—excerpt from FIRST LOVE)

"1. Suffer a tremendous loss early in your life. Perhaps the death of a parent at such a young, pivotal age that grief becomes a central part of who you are. Your homeland. Become comfortable in grief, learn its coastlines and caves intimately, so that when someone you love arrives on its shore, stunned and choking, you can greet them and show them around."

Reading Sylvia Plath and my dead friend’s Instagram (Salon—excerpt from FIRST LOVE)

"Claiming Plath was a way to elevate our teenage sadness from pedestrian and expected and cliché to literary, tragic, romantic. To tie our early-aughts angst to a dignified and important history."

On Murder Memoirs (Slate—excerpt from FIRST LOVE)

"Maybe, when I was ready, these books would show me how to pull off the impossible: a murder story that doesn’t further abuse the victim by reducing them to the violence of their death."

Turning Real People Into Characters Is an Act of Translation (Writer's Digest)

On balancing truth and subjectivity when writing about the self and others in memoir.

In Search of Smoky Cafés (Off Assignment—excerpt from FIRST LOVE)

"It was easy to believe that the uncorrupted, smoky, jazz-filled utopia of Nin’s Paris was a real place I could travel to if I wanted it badly enough."

Looking at an Eclipse: A Braided Essay About Braided Essays (Brevity)

"The magic of a braided essay is in the points where one thread drops and another comes in: sometimes these moments of transition are just white space, leaving room for the unsayable."

Coming Home to Somewhere Unfamiliar (Guernica—excerpt from NEGATIVE SPACE)

"I was home, but even at home I floated around the edges, slightly removed."

Misadventures in J-School: When Grad School is the Wrong Thing (Lit Hub)

"I imagined the sweet vindication of becoming a high school drop-out with an Ivy League master’s degree."

Narrating My Audiobook Felt Like Doing an Impression of Myself (Catapult)

"Even the most authentic voice on the page is a translation, a refraction, an altered version of the author’s actual speaking voice."

Memoir as Detective Novel (Writers Digest)

"When a personal narrative is treated like a mystery, each clue, each revelation, is an opportunity for complexity and emotional depth on the page."

My parents were addicted to heroin, and I had a happy childhood. Both of these things are true (Salon—excerpt from NEGATIVE SPACE)

"As a child I didn't see or understand the danger, I was just happy to spend time with my father."

Making Art Out of Dead Things (BOMB—excerpt from NEGATIVE SPACE)

"The process of rotting in the woods was the last stage of the development of these pieces, like paint drying or glue setting; their destruction was their creation."

Don't Use My Family for Your True Crime Stories (CrimeReads)

"The thought of someone who didn’t even know her using the horrible, violent way she was taken from my family as 'material' is unfathomable to me."

Fallen Women (Catapult Column)

A monthly column on women coded as villains in pop culture, the power in their badness, and how they've shaped fans for the better.

Not a Memoir (KHÔRA)

"I kept saying the book I was writing was an artist monograph, but every day the words stared back at me, so clearly, defiantly, a memoir."

It Comes in Waves (Longreads)

Years after her cousin was killed, Lilly Dancyger is haunted by images of murdered women in the news.

Canceling My Book Deal Was the Best Career Move I’ve Ever Made (Electric Literature)

"I was so used to getting the door slammed in my face, it seemed absurd that I might decline to walk through this one that was finally open to me."